Friday, February 2, 2007

Why You Should Not Join The Spring Ridge Club, Even If You Have The Cash

As a public service to all you rich poseurs out there, Teh Wind Knot is going to give you the top five reasons you should not drink the Don Beaver Kool-Aid and join the Spring Ridge Club. I am sure after reading this primer you will find better things to do with your ill-gotten gains, like augmentation for your trophy wife.

1. It does not make you seem less nouveau riche:

This is not one of the grand old clubs that McGuane immortalized. Those good clubs want to make sure the money isn't going to be pissed away before they let you in. This is the sporting equivalent of the McMansion development in which you live.
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2. It is not a good way to teach anything to your kids:

If you take take little Chad or Brandon (or whatever the fruit of your loins is called) up there every weekend, he will turn into a snot nosed little bastard. All he will learn is that hard work does not exist and everyone else was put on earth to wait on him. He will not even learn to fish. Sure he will be able to impress his friends with hero shots of the hawgs he yanks out and may learn to love fishing. However, his skills will suck. He will be okay at fighting large fish, but will have no earthly idea of how to find one on a real stream without a trout chow dispenser. Even worse, he will think he is the shit and forego college after Choate and move out west to 'become a guide'. But with no skills, he will be stuck as the loser fly shop guy all the guides make fun of and you will be sending him cash for living expenses (a new Clacka every year and tons of pot) for the rest of your life.
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3. Spring Ridge Club is way too Republican:

Teh Wind Knot has cross referenced the membership list with campaign contributions and those guys throw way too much jack at the Republicans. That is sooooo 1999. Do you read the papers? Better ditch that gang and get on the new bandwagon for 2008, if you want to keep all that defense contracting work.
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4. You are not helping the 'Resource':

Feeding Purina to trout makes them grow bigger, even in marginal water. That does not make you an environmentalist. Those stockers don't help the genetics and only crowd out what wild fish could live in the stream. Get a clue. Give that money to real habitat improvement if you want to feel good about yourself. Fed stockers are ornaments, just like the pagodas at Epcot Center.
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5. It isn't even exclusive:

Do you think you have a special place where only the top tier can come to fish? Think again. Any mouth-breather with the cash can join SRC, or one of its sister franchises. Donny doesn't care whether you made your money honestly, stole it or even won the Powerball. All spends the same to him.
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